要自控，但也别和自己过不去

八月晨读群读的第一本书是斯坦福大学的美女教授Kelly McGonigal的 The Willpower Instinct。这本书语言简单甚至还有些有趣，其中穿插了一些实验和她在工作生活中的例子，把心理学讲得很轻松易懂。

在此和大家分享我前两章的笔记，欢迎大家讨论和指正。

#Chapter 1

1. 什么是Willpower?

self-control是我们原始的需求，因为我们要活下去要和别人合作，这就免不了要抑制自己的欲望。

Even in the Stone Age, the rules for how to win friends and influence people were likely the same as today’s: Cooperate when your neighbor needs shelter, share your dinner even if you’re still hungry, and think twice before saying “That loincloth makes you look fat.” In other words, a little self-control, please.

Our modern powers of self-control are the product of long-ago pressures to be better neighbors, parents, and mates.

有了这个原始的需求，我们的大脑开始进化，原本控制我们身体动作的prefrontal cortex变大变强，解锁了新技能 – controlling what you pay attention to, what you think about, even how you feel.

这个prefrontal cortex可以分成三块: I will, I won't 和 I want，也就是说我们至少可以从这三个地方出发来完成一个挑战。知道自己到底想要什么，给自己设一个长期的目标，然后去做该做的事情。

The prefrontal cortex is not one unfied blob of gray matter; it has three key regions that divvy up the jobs of I will, I won't, and I want.

2. 怎么证明Willpower的存在呢？

书中给出了Phineas Gage的例子，我也推荐大家读一下Roy Baumeister的The radish experiment。

这两个实验得出的出要结论是：1) Willpower确实存在 2) Willpower和肌肉一样是可以被消耗的。

和这本书一起读做主题阅读

3. One brain, two minds

我们在远古时代就有最原始的欲望和需求，例如位了获取食物我们可能会做出冲动不计后果的傻事。随着我们的进化，大脑也在进化，但是新技能并没有替代旧的模式，而是在就旧模式上生根发芽。

As human evolved, our brains didn't so much changes as they grew. Evolution prefers to add on to what it's created, rather than start from scratch. So as humans required new skills, our primitive brain was not replaced with some completely new model – the system of self-control was slapped on top of the old system of urges and instincts.

这样的话我们的大脑就有两个“小人”了，一个是原始大脑，一个是现代大脑，这两者互相牵制，共同帮助我们做正确的选择。两者不是你死我活的敌友关系，而是像是一对各执己见的虎爸熊妈一样，到头来是为我们自己好。

Some neuroscientists go so far as to say that we have one brain but two minds – or even, two people living inside our mind. There's the version of us that controls our impulse and seeks immediate gratification to protect our long-term goals.

Neuroeconomists have discovered that the self-control system and our survival instincts don't always conflict. In some cases, they cooperate to help us make good decisions.

4. 既然我们的大脑中有self-control为什么我们还总是控制不了自己？

原因是: 我们不知道自己在干什么，不知道自己做了什么样的决定，为什么做这个决定。是self-awareness出了问题，没有自我意识，大脑就开启默认的任性模式，怎么容易怎么来。再加上现代社会的各种刺激，我们更容易屈服于诱惑。

Without self-awareness, the self-control system would be useless.

Psychologists know that most of our choices are made on autopilot, without any real awareness of what's driving them, and certainly without serious reflection on their consequences. Heck, most of the time, we don't even realize we're making a choice.

说到这里，我们应该清楚的是，如果想让Willpower有效的发挥作用，我们需要做到两点: 

• 知道自己正在做什么, 知道自己到底想要什么(self-awareness); 

• 保持专注，因为"people who are distracted are more likely to give in to temptations"。

我们可以从这两点出发来训练我们的大脑，最终让它可以帮助我们doing the harder thing, 而不是由着原始冲动放肆。训练我们的willpower因此有两个基本的方法：

• Track your willpower choices, 并且为之付出行动，强迫大脑去做自己的I will, 停止做I won't。

• 通过meditation来训练自己“悬崖勒马”的能力。

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#Chapter 2

1. 两种威胁 (A Tale of Two Threats)

当我们面对cravings和impulses的时候，有时候我们会屈服于它们，有时候我们能够“悬崖勒马”（也就是willpower发挥了作用）。抵制自己欲望不仅是心理作用，也是生理作用。

Science is discovering that self-control is a matter of physiology, not just psychology. It's a temporary state of both mind and body that gives you the strength and calm to override your impulses.

我们面对的压力和诱惑可以分两种，我们对这两种状况会做出两种本能的反应（身体和大脑都会产生反应）。

一种是external threat, 书中用saber-toothed tiger来举例说明当我们面对外部威胁的时候，我们的大脑会本能的进入self-defense mode来保护我们自己，我们把这种模式称作fight or flight, 要么死磕，要么赶紧溜之大吉。 

The fight-or-flight response is one of nature's greatest gifts to mankind: the build-in ability of your body and brain to devote all of their energy to saving your butt in an emergency.

第二种是来自于internal conflict, 即我们原始的欲望和我们理性的目标产生了冲突，这个时候我们逃不了（“you can't kill a desire, and because the cravings are inside your mind and body, there's no obvious escape.) 这个时候我们的willpower instinct就可能会发挥作用，在这种模式的下的应对方法是pause and plan, 即慢下来，想一想再做决定。

This internal conflict is its own kind of threat: Your instincts are pushing you toward a potentially bad decision. What’s needed, therefore, is protection of yourself by yourself. This is what self-control is all about. The most helpful response will be to slow you down, not speed you up (as a fight-or-flight response does). And this is precisely what the pause-and-plan response does. The perception of an internal conflict triggers changes in the brain and body that help you slow down and control your impulses.

The goal is not to paralyse you in the face of internal conflict, but to give you freedom. By keeping you from immediately following your impulses, the pause-and-plan response gives you the time for more flexible, thoughtful action.

这让我想到了Daniel Kahneman的 Thinking, Fast and Slow, 他提到我们有两种思考模式system 1 和 system 2。System 1就是比较情绪化冲动的思考; system 2是深思熟路冷静客观的思考。这两种模式都有对我们有益的地方，也有有害的地方，他们同时存在，如果我们合理使用他们还是会服务于我们的。

2. 既然我们有这两种本能(快速做决定的本能和控制自己的本能），那我们为什么还总是控制不住自己？是不是自己的willpower instinct坏掉了…

首先我们要知道一件事：我们可以利用heart rate variability来判断一个人抵御诱惑的能力： 

Heart rate variability is such a good index of willpower that you can use to predict who will resist temptation, and who will give in.

当我们试图阻止自己的冲动的时候，“the parasympathetic nervous system steps in to calm stress and control impulsive action. Heart rate goes down, but variability goes up. When this happens, it contributes to a sense of focus and calm.”

每个人都有Willpower的，它是一种本能，只不过有些时候它会被我们的一些行为习惯所影响（例如有压力，缺乏睡眠，久坐等）所影响，无法有效发挥作用。

Stress is the enemy of willpower.

 The biology of stress and the biology of self-control are simply incompatible.

压力越大，心就容易“卡”在高处，居高不下，然后让我们变得冲动的sympathetic nervous system就半路杀出助纣为虐，让我们更容易冲动。反之，压力越小，越从容淡定，更有理智来控制自己。

通过HRV我们了解到我们为什么会冲动，我们也可以利用它来作为一个信号来管理自己 --当我们觉得自己一直“卡”在某个状态的时候，就要小心了！这时候做一做深呼吸让自己的呼吸慢下来的话，可能会帮助做出更好的应对困难，做出更好的选择。

Stress encourages you to focus on immediate, short-term goals and outcomes, but self-control requires keeping the big picture in mind. Learning how to better manage your stress is one of the most important things you can do to better manage your willpower.

就算再兵荒马乱，我也要从容

3. 怎么可以让HRV变高，从而我们更能控制自己呢？

答：吃好喝好玩好，别熬夜，多锻炼，保持好心情。"Your mind is important, but your body also needs to get on board"

影响HRV的因素有很多，从吃的食物居住环境到所处的精神状态都会产生影响。例如经常做meditation的人很可能就比不做的人就要高一些（It not only trains the brain, but also increases heart rate variability.)

Anything else that you do to reduce stress and take care of your health — exercise, get a good night’s sleep, eat better, spend quality time with friends and family, participate in a religious or spiritual practice — will improve your body’s willpower reserve.

只要我们保持健康的生活，有规律，别总是处于那么大压力之下（即使是处于压力之下，也可以合理地调整自己去应对），就是最好的训练意志力的方式。这个是社会给我们太多的诱惑和分心的机会，我们总是处于亚健康，高压力，一点也不奇怪我们为什么总觉得意志消沉没有恒心。

4. 如何提升Willpower?

https://v.qq.com/txp/iframe/player.html?vid=f0318toh38c&width=500&height=375&auto=0

• 1) Excercise 

运动可以帮助我们抵制欲望，缓解压力，并且通过身体的运动"enhances the biology of self-control by increase baseline heart rate variability and training the brain.“

也就是说运动的好处，除了我们众所周知的“可以使身体变得更健康”，还有增强脑力，提升意志力的功效。一石多鸟，何乐而不为呢？不妨明天就运动起来，来验证一下是否有效。

运动的时间没有规定，不过有研究表明每天五分钟的效果会比几个小时要好。运动的项目也没有规定，自己喜欢什么就去做什么，哪怕是打扫房间逛街遛狗都可以。

Anything above and beyond the typical sedentary lifestyle will improve your willpower reserve.

• 2）Sleep

熬夜、睡眠不足的危害我们已经听了很多，除了对身体的伤害外，睡眠不充足也会消耗我们的willpower，让我们更加容易屈服于诱惑，处于焦虑状态无法自拔。

好好睡觉吧，一定不要熬夜。如果你的睡眠一直都不充足，是时候调整一下了，从这个小习惯出发，会有意想不到的变化呢。

• 3）别跟自己过不去

我们都知道适当的压力是好事，甚至说“压力就是动力” ，但是长期处于压力之下工作生活的话一定是很糟糕的(（Thsi may seem to work in the short term, but in the long term, nothing drains willpower faster than stress.) 值得注意的是，self-control也消耗了很大的能量，我们如果把自己管的太死，太“跟自己过不去”也是极其有害的。意志力太猛了也会吃不消的：

Too much willpower can actually be bad for your health.

Just like some stress is necessary for a happy and productive life, some self-control is needed. But just like living under chronic stress is unhealthy, trying to control every aspect of your thoughts, emotions, and behavior is a toxic strategy. It is too big a burden for your biology.

别对自己那么狠，凡事要有一个过程，不要急于求成给自己那么大压力。了解自己，约束自己的同时也要学会原谅自己。养精蓄锐，让自己you足够的能量来面对压力，应付挫折，这样Willpower才会愿意祝我们一臂之力。

When our willpower overwhelm us, it's tempting to assign the blame to who we are: weak, lazy, willpowerless wimps. But more often than not, our brains and bodies are simply in the wrong state for self-control.

https://v.qq.com/txp/iframe/player.html?vid=e0318o4o1bn&width=500&height=375&auto=0
Kelly McGonigal 2013在TED上以How to make stress your friend为题作了分享

最后提醒大家，更是提醒自己，不要做wishful thinking, 以为自己可以控制一切 -- 今晚本来还想熬夜补完前5章的笔记，写到这里我决定还是去睡觉吧 （这是昨晚写的文章）。